151 Dad Jokes That Are Actually Pretty Funny (2023)

We're not sure who came up with the term "dad jokes," but we know one when we see one. A dad joke is almost always succinct and often trite. Here, in honor ofReader’s Digest's100th anniversary, are 100+ of the best dad jokes from our first 100 years. And if your funny bone needs to be teased further, check out some of our other favorites, like the 100best jokes everPublished inReader’s Digest, our collection of easy to remembershort jokes, and our compendium of totalcheesy jokes. To learn more about dads (both funny and inspirational), take a look at our memorable list ofquoted dad, or make mom laugh with these hilarious onesmom is joking.

Best dad jokes

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• How many telemarketers does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but he must do it while you are having dinner.
• How many narcissists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one. The narcissist holds the lightbulb while the rest of the world revolves around them.
• How many handymen does it take to change a lightbulb? One, it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.
• How many paranoiacs does it take to change a lightbulb? Who wants to know that?
• I read that in Sweden you have to turn on the headlights by law, but how do I know if it's raining in Sweden?
• I was addicted to Hokey Pokey... but I turned around.
• I don't trust stairs. They always have plans.
• Today my son asked, "Can I have a bookmark?" I burst into tears - 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
• When I was a kid, my father got fired from his job as a road worker for stealing. I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
• Why didn't Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was chewie.
• Why don't pirates bathe before they walk the plank? They just wash ashore.
• Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.
• Did you hear about the racing snail that got rid of its shell? He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.
• A turtle is crossing the road when two snails attack it. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. Everything happened so fast."
• Did you hear about the guy who froze to death at the drive-in? He went to seeclosed in winter.
• We all know Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole's Law? It's thinly sliced ​​cabbage.
• When does a joke become a "dad joke"? If it catches your eye.
• I had a happy childhood. My father always put me on tires and let me roll downhill. Those were Goodyears.
• What invention lets us see through walls? Window.
• I know a lot of good jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over people's heads.
• The bank keeps calling me to compliment me. They say I have "outstanding balance".
• What is the most popular fish in the ocean? A starfish.
• Hairdressers… you have to take your hat off to them.
• What did one plate say to another plate? Tonight, dinner is on me.
• Have you heard of the surgeon who loved to perform quick surgeries on insects? He made one spontaneously.
• What is a vampire's favorite ship? A blood vessel.
• There's only one thing I can't handle, and that's a deck of cards glued together.
• The past, the present and the future entered a bar. It was tense.

Cheesy dad jokes

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• "Knock Knock."
  • "Who's there?"
  • "Nobel."
  • "Noble who?"
  • "Nobel, so I just knocked."
• "Knock Knock."
  • "Who's there?"
  • "Alabama."
  • "Anyone with you?"
  • "Nope. I'm Alabama myself.„
• "Knock Knock."
  • "Who's there?"
  • "Ajatollah."
  • “Ajatollah wer?”
  • "Ayatollah, you do."
• Son: Dad, I'm hungry. Dad: Hello Hunger, I'm dad.
• Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
• Daughter: I have many friends named Nathan. There's Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis... Me: When they're together, do you call them the United Nathans?
• What is the least spoken language in the world? sign language.
• What do you call a hippie's wife? Mississippi.
• I looked for a lighter on Amazon but all I could find was 6,000 matches.
• I sold our vacuum cleaner; it only collected dust.

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• Have you heard about it…
  • …the crustacean accused of defending its own shellfish interests?
  • ...the bankrupt poet who praises everyone?
  • ...the shepherd who drove his sheep through the city and got a ticket for the ewe turnaround?
  • ...the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had mittens.
  • ...the claustrophobic astronaut? He just wanted a little more space.
• What did the bad chicken lay? Boiled Eggs.
• Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yes, they took possession of him.
• A friend of mine didn't pay his exorcist. He was repossessed.
• How do you make holy water? They boil the hell out of him.
• What sounds does a witch car make? broom broom!
• I would like to put on record that I support agriculture. Actually, you could call me a protractor.
• What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live broadcast.
• How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? You'll see one later and one in a while.

Looking for something cute this Father's Day? Heartily write one of themFather's Day Messagesin a card this year.

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• Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? Because they were watchdogs.
• What do you call a dog that can do magic? A labrador.
• Why do dogs swim in water? Because they are good buoys.
• What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step on a poodle.
• What do you call 50 pigs and 50 deer? 100 sows and rams.
• Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
• What do you call a fish without an eye? A fish.
• Police arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states: solid, liquid and gas.
• What do you call a lazy kangaroo? bag potato.
• Why is weed so dangerous? Because it's full of blades.
• What is the Easter Bunny's favorite music? Hip hop.
• A friend of mine is known for knocking girls' socks off. He is an extremely aggressive caretaker.
• I'm an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water. This is my special tea.
• My son's fourth birthday was today. When he came to me, I didn't recognize him at first. I had never seen him when he was four.
• I recently went to the World's Tiniest Wind Turbine exhibition. Honestly not a big fan.
• I was out for a walk when I saw a sign that said 'Man wanted for robbery'. So I went in and applied for the position.
• How long should socks be? Twelve inches to fit in one foot.
• Have you heard the joke about experiencing deja vu? Have you heard the joke about experiencing deja vu?
• A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
• I'm reading a novel where the main character strained the muscles around his spine. This is his backstory.
• My doctor has told me that I've really grown as a person. Well, her exact words were that I "gained on overweight."
• What do you call someone who always states the obvious? Someone who always states the obvious.
• Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the largest bed sheet in the world. More on this story as it unfolds.
• 3.14 percent of seafarers are pirates.
• You can't plant flowers if you don't have botany.
• What did the French chef get his wife for Valentine's Day? A hug and a quiche.

Choose the perfectgift for dadto accompany this father's day with these dad jokes.

Funny dad jokes

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• A ham sandwich goes inBarand order a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
• A couple of cups of yogurt goes to a country club. "We don't serve their kind here," says the bartender. "Why not?" asks a yoghurt. "We are cultured."
• A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. "I'd like wings and a glass of beer, please," it reads. "Sorry I can't serve you," replies the bartender. "You are crazy."
• A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What about the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I have a bounty on my head!”
• A guy walks into a bar and there's a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, "What are you staring at? Have you never seen a horse grooming bar?” The guy says, “It's not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the house.”
• Why did Beethoven throw away his chickens? They just said: "Bach, Bach, Bach..."
• What did one DNA say to the other DNA? "Do these genes make me look fat?"
• What does it take to make a small fortune on Wall Street? A great fortune.
• How does the man in the moon get his hair cut? Darken it.
• Have you heard of the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
• Did you hear the one about the boy who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground? It was a knot for profit.
• My kid wants to invent a pencil with an eraser at each end, but I just don't see the point.
• Teacher: “There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross, the other is cool.” Johnny: “So what are the words?”
• Why should you never mention angel number 288? It's two gross.
• I've spent a lot of time, money, and effort child-proofing my house, but the kids keep coming in.

Everyone knows Dad likes to laugh, but show him you're showing his softer side with thesefather sonandFather Daughter Quotes.

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• A cheese factory in France has exploded. Because Brie is everywhere!
• Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I won't spread it!
• Why do melons have marriages? Because they are melon.
• What do Bostonians call a fake noodle? An impasta.
• A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mom, and his beggar.
• My son has his BA and MA but his PA is still supporting him.
• What will soon become of a gangster buried in cement? A criminal.
• What does "idk" stand for? Everyone I ask says, "I don't know."
• Why was the pig covered in ink? Because it lived in a pen.
• Did you hear about the guy who stole 50 boxes of hand sanitizer? You couldn't accuse him - his hands were clean.
• Why was the rookie cop assigned to hunt down the cannibal? The more experienced officers were already eaten.
• What do you call a treacherous scientist? A lab rat.
• What's the difference between a man in pajamas riding a bike and a man in a tuxedo riding a unicycle? Dress.
• It's a shame the Beatles didn't turn the sub green in this song. That would have been sublime.
• Have you heard about the aquatic marine mammals that escaped from the zoo? It was an otter mess.
• What did the skeleton order with his beer? a mop
• Why do nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.
• How much do I love crispy tacos? From my head tomatoes.
• What spells do goblins use? lucky charm.

Love these dad jokes? Then you're sure to cackle about theseFather's day memes.

Bad dad jokes

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• What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
• My IQ test results came back. They were negative.
• What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal? A polar bear.
• Have you heard about the nurse chewed up by the doctor for missing without gauze?
• If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get? rocket toe.
• My wife asked me to sync her phone so I threw it in the ocean.
• My wife is really upset that I have no sense of direction. I packed my things and properly.
• What did one cannibal say to another while eating a clown? Does that taste funny to you?
• Do I enjoy making puns in the courthouse? Guilty.
• What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
• You know, people say they pick their noses, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
• A photographer was killed in an unusual accident today when a huge chunk of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people being photographed tried to warn him.
• May February March? No, but April May.
• I'm not sure if you noticed, but I love bad puns. So easy eye rolls.
• If you see a robbery at an Apple Store, are you an iWitness?
• What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two...
• What is an evil wizard's favorite computer program? spell check.

After reading thesebad dad jokes, cuddle and look at theseFather's Day Movies.

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• I only remembered the beautiful herb garden I had growing up. Good thyme.
• I started reading a horror novel in Braille. Something bad is about to happen - I can feel it.
• Why do pumpkins sit on porches? You have no hands to knock on the door.
• My friend wants to be an archaeologist but I'm trying to put him off. I am convinced that his life will be in shambles.
• I got hit in the head with a can of coke today. Don't worry I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink.
• Cooking out this weekend? Don't forget the cucumber. It's a kind of big dill.
• Justice is a dish best served cold. If served warm it would be fairwater.
• What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
• A steak pun is a rare medium done well.
• Why did the raisin go out with the plum? Because he couldn't find a date.
• What is brown and sticky? A stick.
• My dog ​​accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. I think that could spell disaster.
• I wondered why the ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• I had a date last night. It was perfect. I'll try a grape tomorrow.
• Armed robbers - some say they are a nuisance to society, but you have to give them that.
• It pains me to say this, but I have a sore throat.
• I know a surgeon who reinserts organs backwards. I told him it wasn't funny but he said it was an inside joke.
• My girlfriend says it's either her career or mine as a news reporter. I have news for you.
• Inflation is really getting out of hand, but that's just my five cents.
• I can guess what people do for a living just by looking at their hands. I mean, I'm usually wrong, but I can guess.
• I raised racing deer. I'm just trying to make a quick buck.
• How many crime writers does it take to change a lightbulb? Second, one to screw it up for the most part, and another to give it a surprising twist at the end.
• My dentist offered me dentures for just a dollar. It sounded like a good deal back then, but now I've got buck teeth.

A card featuring one of these dad jokes will make the old man smile, but to really impress him, add onePersonalized Father's Day Gift.

Submit your best jokehereand get $25 when Reader's Digest runs it.

Additional reporting research by Linda Roman and Greg Daugherty.