In meetings with friends, family or even during breaks at work,telling dirty jokes of all kinds is always a good method to guarantee the laughter of the staff. If your repertoire is already outdated, we hope you can expand it with some of our contributions, many of which are timeless classics of humor.
- More fun: 30 short jokes to laugh and not stop.
The 40 best dirty jokes to die of laughter
If there is something we are missing here it is shame, so here we go with our collection of jokes:
An old couple and the man says:
– Honey, where do you want me to go? let's make love today
* On the floor!
– And why on the ground?
? – Well, feel something hard!
At least,experience will offset back pain.
2. Save on expenses
A man is checking the bills and tells his wife:
-Patricia, if you knew how to cook we would save a fortune on the cook.
*Yes Manolo And if you knew how to make love we would save a fortune in the gardener!
if that's it...Why do you say nothing, Manolo?
3. Comprehension problems
- Mom, it's light
? you're going to swallow it whole"...
Children,unwitting protagonists of thethe most obscene dirty jokes...
4. The place is the least of it
– Honey, I'm going to build you a castle to make love to you like a queen.
* Better build me an asylum to make love to me like crazy...!
The 21st century woman would build her own castle.
5. Can excess cause death?
? – What did he die of, doctor?
* Due to multiple organ failure.
– What a bitch! With me he pretended...
With that answer, we understand why he did it.
6. Original substitutes
-Excuse me sir, this is for a survey: your wife yells at you when they make love
*Well yes, enough.
-And he does it during, after, before...
* No, he does it later, when I wipe my *** with the curtains.
What we like about some dirty jokes isits unexpected ending.
7. Better not ask
– Mom, mom, how do you explain that dad is black, you are white and I am yellow?
* Look boy, if you knew about the orgy that took place that day, what surprises me is that you don't bark...
This child does not ask again "Where do children come from?"
8. Rewriting the Disney classics
– Who discovered the fire?
* Pinocchio, while masturbating
Childhood in the trash in 3,2,1…
9. “Do you have any defects
A farmer in a job interview:
* Every day!
– No sir, what if “man” or “woman”?
* Man, woman, pig, goat or whatever is closest to hand...
The position is yours! Welcome!
10. Always fizzy
– How is your love life friend?
* Well, like Coca-Cola.
– Like Coca-Cola! And how is that?
* Well, first Normal, then Light and now Zero
“Coca-Cola, since 1886, spreading happiness.”
11. The key to success
– What is between mommy's legs, daddy
– And among yours?
* The keys to paradise? he answers proudly.
– Well, change them, the neighbor has made copies!
Infidelities and sexual metaphors, the key ingredients forfunny dirty jokes that never go out of style.
12. A Long Way
– Wow, I'm so tired! Is there a long way to go to get to the womb?
– asks a spermatozoon to another that was running next to him.
* Sure, -answers the other- we just passed the tonsils...
Does anyone have any idea how they ended up there?? Explain it to us, please.
13. The true maternal instinct
– I came to buy a dildo, the one I had was damaged.
* And how you loved him
– Well, like a son!
The attachment that some people can feel for their most precious personal belongings is immense.
14. A beast is on the loose
A drunk urinates in the street and a lady walks past him:
– What a horror, what a beast, what a monster…!!!
And the drunk replies:
* Don't worry, ma'am, I've got you by the neck!
Citizen collaboration is essential for a good coexistence, there is no doubt about that.
15. Bad press
One clitoris says to another:
– Hey, they told me that you don't cum anymore…
* BAH! That's what gossip is.
One of those off-color dirty jokesdedicated to those less gifted with languages.
16. It only takes 2 for a party.
– Are you coming to an orgy tonight?
? It's going to be amazing: wild sex, unlimited pleasure!
* How many people will there be?
– Well, if your wife comes, we will be three…
Let each one put the limits of friendship where they see fit...
17. The fun-loving granny–
do you like eggs grandma
? bounces off the chin!
Faced with such a brilliant response, we have no possible answer.
18. A new hybrid
The curtain opens and a pig is seen making love to a dinosaur. Movie title
* “Jurassic Pig”.What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical “The curtain opens…” 19.
– What milk says to cocoa
* Give me some powder, I'm hot!We will never put milk next to cocoa powder again.20. The royal earrings
– Why do some men walk with their legs bent to the sides?
* Because there are such insignificant things that go in parentheses.
I'm lucky I have no idea what they're talking about...21. A matter of priorities
- Hey you. SUCK IT, O LIFE!
* I suck it, I suck it.
Could it be that not even when you get robbed can you stop thinking about the same thing?
22. Say no to bestiality
A father who tells his son:
– Look son, I already talked to the stork to bring you a little brother!
To which the little boy replies:
- But Dad! With so many women and you sleep with the stork?
That's truetoday's children are already taught.
23. The true spirit of Christmas
Two older men talking:
– Do you prefer sex or Christmas?
* Sex, of course! There is Christmas every year.
The lack of sex is also a recurring theme in the short dirty jokes that make us laugh so much.
24. Caution: fragile material
A man meets a friend who walks bow-legged.
-Hello Juan How are you?
* Good, but yesterday I went to the doctor and he told me that I had very high cholesterol...
-And what does it have to do with the way you walk?
*He told me not to touch the eggs
… the friend the protagonist of our dirty joke from before
25. Dog envy
Two friends see a dog licking its parts:
– How I wish I could do that! – says one of them.
And the other responds:
* Good, but first you would get a little intimate with the dog, right?
Even we have doubts about what he meant.
26. Saleswoman at home
A girl rings the doorbell of a house and an elderly man comes out, quite grumpy:
- What do you want
* Sir, I sell eggs
– And why do I want blindfolded eggs?
Mental note:Never knock on strangers door again.
27. Feminine Self-exploration
– Which women know their bodies best?
* Those who masturbate, because they know it "by heart"
One of those short dirty jokes that are funnier as well as successful.
28. Cunnilingus vegetarian
A couple is in the field and he begins to perform oral sex on her:
-Pepe, Pepe, take off your glasses, you're sticking your glasses into me…!
He takes them off and continues. In the minute, she says:
– Pepe, Pepe, put on your glasses, you're eating the grass…!
Someone call for help or call an ambulance!
29. Physiological needs
A man walks into a pizzeria, accompanied by two ladies, and says:
– I wanted two 4 cheese pizzas.
– No, they are prostitutes, but they are hungry.
"Gentleman, please concentrate, theywe don't ask you for that.”
30. A tight schedule
Hi, it's Julia.
-Could she wear it, please?
* No, she is 39 in bed.
-Damn it, if you received visitors today!
Who wouldn't want dirty jokes like this to come true?
31. A boring afternoon
– Love, it's raining and the clothes are hanging. you put it on me
* You have to see how you are! The clothes get wet and you only think about sex!
So that later they say about men, eh?
32. Empowered Little Red Hood
The wolf to Little Red Hood:
- Little Red Riding Hood! I'm going to eat you what NO ONE has eaten you!
* Well, as long as it's not the basket...
Let's see what has changed history!
33. The vegetable party
Two ladies are picking turnips and one of them says to the other:
– This turnip looks like the one my husband has between his legs!
* For long and hard
– No, because of how dirty it is?
This image will haunt us in our nightmares.
34. Damn moonshine!
A redhead going to the confessional
– Freckles, son
– asks the priest.
* Up in the ass, father.
The poor redheads are also protagoniststo the strength of this collection of short dirty jokes.
35. Communication above all
The husband tells his wife:
– Honey, let me know when you have an orgasm…
* But, my love, you told me that I couldn't call you at work
Do not disturb during business hours, please.
6. A question of trust
Two friends, one of them says to the other:
- I want sex
* And I - answers the second - but I don't have money.
- Take it easy man! Between friends we will not charge...
As we said: we are not going to get into the limits that are placed on friendship.
37. Widen the door frame
Paco, do you like threesomes?
? - Sure friend.
* Well, go home, your wife has started without you.
No one counted on this surprise guest to start the party.
38. The benefits of vegetables
– Carrot is great for the eyes.
* Oh yeah
-Yes, yesterday I put one in her ass and it made me see even the stars
If you thought that the turnip was the end of the repertoire of dirty jokes with vegetables, you were wrong.
39. The first thing that came to hand
– Do you know the difference between toilet paper and shower curtains?
* Well not really.
- AHA! So it was you!
A good way to catch the culprit of such a mess.
40. It turns out that in the end the stork does not bring them
A boy discovers his parents in full 69 and says:
– And you are the ones who want to send me to the psychologist for biting my nails
when he grows up,it probably won't seem so strange whatthey aredoing
- You can also read: The 40 best jokes for young and old children.